I want to die

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Shes going to marry someone else in the spring. She was supposed to marry me... I wanted to spend my life with her so badly and I thought she did to. but now I understand more then ever that it could never be. That she was never going to wait for me. I just don't know know what to do. I'm so hurt and angry, I hate her so much. And yet I'm happy that she is happy.... Love is a strange thing. I'm so afraid of being alone.

Really shouldn't have....

So I read Dakota's blog. really shouldn't have. Cuz now I'm more depressed then ever. I think I might be done trying to pretend that everything can work out between us. I guess I just back off a bit and see if she ends up coming back again. And if not...I'd rather not think about that.

There's always another guy, always. Always, and I'm starting to feel like she just uses me to make herself feel loved when she is in between her real life guys. That's a pretty crappy feeling. I'm not sure what to do anymore, it seems like everytime something is going good someone comes along and FUCKS EVERYTHING THING UP. And I'm getting sick of it, I really am. I just want her love to myself...is that to much to ask?